Settled

It wasn’t until today that I felt like I was really back.  Walking on freshly fallen snow, I ran a few errands in the neighbourhood, picking up bagels and cat food before stopping in for soup at Milani.  The guy at the bagel shop noticed that I had been away, which led to smiles and the inevitable conversation about which city’s bagels are better.  (Blinks.)  Well, Montreal’s, of course.

Walking home, I thought about how it was before I left, when I was on the verge of drowning in snow and fear and stress.  I knew that submitting my dissertation proposal would be cathartic, and that I would be somehow different because of it, but I couldn’t envision exactly how.  The headlights didn’t reach that far.

Since then, I’ve become familiar with the streets of a new city, I’ve rediscovered my love of intellectual work, and I’ve remembered what it’s like to live in my body, not in spite of it.  Meanwhile, I’ve reunited with no fewer than five of the people I’ve written about here, friends whose friendship ran as deep as rivers and whose passions have shaped me as much as my own. 

Really, there’s no point in asking, but if there was I’d ask you: how did I let myself become a wall?

Instead, I’ll stretch out my arms and legs and roll around in this place, the way that cats luxuriate in sunlight or dogs in snow, just because it feels so fucking good to be here.  Finally.

So, who’s all going to Yulblog? :)