Across a crowded waiting room

April 4, 2007 § 11 Comments

I am so sick of doctors I can’t even tell you.

Today, it was x-rays.  Tomorrow, test results.  Next week, an ultrasound.  The week after that, another eye exam.  By the time my follow-up has been completed, I will have read every issue of Elle Québec that has ever been published.  Then, I will promptly die of old age.

To keep things interesting, I have taken to fantasizing about medical personnel.  Not physicians, mind you, but the considerably greater numbers of staff who move through the halls like green-bellied alleycats.  Thus far, I’ve had incredibly hot sex with a lab technician, a porter, a receptionist, and a maintenance worker.  I’ve got my sights set on an ambulance driver next.

My admittedly fertile imagination aside, I am quite certain that the average hospital secretly throbs with sexual activity.  At particularly dull moments, I am tempted to knock sharply on the doors of supply closets as I pass, and to await the strategically timed emergence of their occupants.   I only think of such things because hospitals do not subscribe to any interesting magazines.  If they did, my thoughts would be as chaste as a monk’s.

Oh, and just in case any of you are wondering, I wouldn’t fuck Dr. Evil if my life depended on it.  Ugh.

§ 11 Responses to Across a crowded waiting room

  • adriennezurub says:

    Get to know and invest in a relationship with a RN. They are your (and any patient’s) best advocate! They take the time to get to know you if you allow it and respect them. They will form relationships not only with you but with your family or significant other and look out for you! Even with the Dr.Evil’s who they will know how to deal with or avoid.

    Adrienne Zurub
    Author of ‘Notes From the MotherShip~Naked Invisibles’
    publication September 2007

    Take care!

  • Frank says:

    That spam comment is hilarious. “They take the time to get to know you if you allow it and respect them.” So they’ll respect you after your foray in the closet. But not before they get to know every inch of you with your permission.

    Take care!

  • itsallgrey says:

    Two of my girlfriends work in the same hospital as nurses, and some of the stories they come back with are positively scandalous. Makes a case for trading in an office job for scrubs any day of the week :)

  • Vila H. says:

    Frank: (Laughs.) You do realize, now I can’t delete the damn thing!

    Heather: I’m not at all surprised. I know two MA nursing students, who, funnily enough, both smoke like chimneys and drink like fish. Further, I’ve read Graham Chapman’s autobiography, which delves into his pre-Monty Python medical studies. A must-read, btw.

  • Med students are animals…Doctors, I’m not even going to start. I feel like there’s about a billion stories popping into my historian of medicine brain right now..

    Life. Death. Disease.

    Potent concepts to be burdened with day after day — I think it becomes a recipe for extreme behavior. But maybe that phenomena is pretty widespead these days. Or maybe I just used to run with the wrong crowd…

  • zura says:

    Hehe, excellent on the hot sex fantasies. I’d do it on a gurney and see how far we could get it to travel just to be able to say “I did it on a gurney”. On a more serious note, hope these tests fly by, it’s no fun hanging about a hospital for overly long.

  • Vila H. says:

    Zura: I gotta say, I like your style. :-)

    Sparky: Knowing you, both of your theories are likely correct. ;-) FWIW, my nursing friends tell me it’s an instinctive response to chronic stress, which makes perfect sense to me.

  • My comment was not meant as spam. My comments are simply what I have noted in the hospital setting both as a RN and as a patient.
    Please do not negate my comments because I promote myself. I took the time to respond…that is what blogging is about!

    I included my information because I do market my book and myself everywhere I post a comment. Everyone ‘markets’ themselves everytime they leave a comment, a link, or whatever.

    The comment would only be hilarious to someone who has NOT experienced the fear, the pain and alienation of a hospital setting…as a patient..and as an employee!

    Enough said.


    Take care

  • Vila H. says:

    Adrienne: You may have intended otherwise, but any comment that promotes a product and does not meaningfully engage with the content of a blog post will be regarded by readers as spam. If you would like a more favourable response, I strongly recommend that you invite people to read your blog and allow them to decide for themselves whether or not they are interested in your book. If you do not have a blog, then I suggest that you start one.

  • Thank you for your response and advice. I apologize for the intrusion.

    Adrienne Zurub

  • […] I continue to be examined by bevies of doctors wielding an ever-widening array of medical instruments.  One of them believes that I have […]

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